The Hours: I read the book some time ago and had trouble following it, mostly because I was completely unfamiliar with Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. The movie, however, was far less of a challenge to follow, especially as the time jumps are clearly marked. The acting all around was good; it was especially interesting to see actors I’d seen in vastly different roles. For example, I’m most familiar with Toni Collette from her role in In Her Shoes, but she was gorgeous as the 1950s housewife Kitty. And between Pleasantville and his beautifully understated portrayal of Richard’s ex-lover in this film, Jeff Daniels has certainly come a long way since Dumb and Dumber.  Anyway, back to The Hours.  Unfortunately, the Big Secret connecting the three timelines wasn’t nearly as much of an “ah ha” moment as it was in the book. In fact, when I explained it to my husband his response was, “That still doesn’t help me.” In all, the film was decent but not very cohesive. The connections between the three timelines were tenuous at best, with Woolf’s own story almost completely unnecessary. Like the book, I probably would have appreciated it more were I more familiar with Woolf’s books.

Aside: the score by Philip Glass was rather distracting for me, as there were times when it sounded strikingly like “The Meadow” by Alexandre Desplat, the bit of the score that showed up on the soundtrack for New Moon. And this is definitely not a film you want in any way associated with Twilight.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse: I’ll admit this right off the bat: I went into this movie expecting to enjoy it. However, I figured I’d enjoy it for the same sorts of reasons I loved New Moon – that it would be awesomely bad and unintentionally hilarious. But I actually liked it quite a bit, and mostly on its own merits. It helped that it was fairly self-deprecating (lines like “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” and “I’m hotter than you” were priceless), but the primary reason was that so much of the stupid crap from the book was removed. Major props go to screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg, who has truly outdone herself this time. When I read the book, I was pretty unimpressed with both Edward (portrayed here by Robert Pattinson) and Jacob (Taylor Lautner), and more than a little disappointed in Bella (Kristen Stewart) for giving either one of them the time of day. Ah, but in the film, both boys come across as (more or less) attractive options, save a bit of over-protectiveness from Edward and desperation from Jacob. And it certainly doesn’t hurt that the cinematography plays up the guys’ best physical aspects – Lautner’s stunning physique and Pattinson’s charming smile. (I have to mention that watching the camera caress Lautner’s washboard abs is an extremely uncomfortable experience, for he is a child, and no child should look that tasty. I’m sorry, “but he’s 18″ doesn’t help your case when you’re over 30.)

The plot in a nutshell: Edward wants to get married, but Bella, who is perfectly willing to spend eternity as a vampire with him, is balking at the idea. To complicate matters, werewolf Jacob has stepped up to the plate, offering himself as a saner alternative to the living dead. In the meantime, longtime foe Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) is forming an army of superstrong newborn vampires to destroy Bella and the Cullens as revenge for them killing her mate in Twilight. Though sworn enemies, the vampires and the werewolves have to team up to defeat Victoria’s minions.

With all the exposition covered in the prior two movies, there’s less melodramatic angst this time around and more believability in the relationships. I spent most of Twilight trying to figure out what attracted Edward to Bella in the first place, and much of New Moon wondering about Jacob’s poor taste in women. But in Eclipse, it’s taken for granted that these two guys are in love with the same girl, and the whys don’t matter much. It helps that Stewart and Pattinson spend a lot more time smiling, making it appear as if they actually enjoy each other’s company. Pattinson and Lautner are clearly having a ball playing rivals, even if there were times when I wanted to tell Jacob to just give it a rest already and move on.

The costumes and make-up are better this time around, though Cleolinda is totally right: the Cullens do resemble Gap/Old Navy commercials pretty much every time they want to look tough. The wolf pack didn’t give me any more West Side Story flashbacks, which was both heartening and a little disappointing. Because I love the wolf pack and all their cheesy goodness. The CG wolves are far more believable than in New Moon, even if most of the actors have difficulty delivering their lines convincingly to things that aren’t really there. And let me just say this: Bella’s engagement ring is ugh-lee. It looks like a cheese grater. Seriously.

The acting of the main trio is considerably improved. Stewart is Twitchy McStutters less often and even closes her mouth from time to time. Pattinson sounds less like he can’t remember his lines. Lautner has learned to portray a far greater range of emotions. Speaking of good acting, Billy Burke (as Bella’s father Charlie) remains one of the bright spots of the film, delivering every line so well he stars in all his scenes.

Now, this is far from a perfect film. I can’t imagine anyone with a hatred for (or even extreme disinterest in) the Twilight universe liking it all that much. Vampires still sparkle, werewolves still imprint, and teenagers still talk about true love as if they have any experience to go on. This is unquestionably the best movie of the series so far, but the first two admittedly set that bar fairly low. (Actually, technically it was the books that set that bar, but you know what I mean.) It’s sort of a cross between a Syfy Original and a romantic comedy on ABC Family.

Anyway, I’ve blathered on long enough. Eclipse is a fun little film, clearly written for the fans, and something I’d watch again and still enjoy – perhaps even without MST3K-ing it to death. The same could not be said for Twilight and New Moon. Oh, David Slade, why couldn’t you have directed all of them?

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

Last night I watched The Karate Kid for – believe it or not – the very first time. I knew the story, of course: underdog teenager gets his ass kicked, starts taking karate lessons from enigmatic old Japanese dude, mistakes his training for menial labor, finds understanding, goes to tournament, kicks ass. What I didn’t realize was (1) Pat Morita has some truly hilarious lines, (2) Ralph Macchio was totally charming and I would so have had a crush on him back in the day, and (3) OMG 80s.

Seriously, the clothing is hysterical. What was it about shirts tucked into high-waisted jeans with no belt? More than that, who decided that this fashion nightmare, PLUS a purple checked shirt, PLUS camouflage pants would look attractive on Daniel-san? Aside from that, he’s really not an awkward teenager at all; the way he talks to Alli-with-an-I is clear evidence of that. He just dresses like one.

So yeah, I liked this movie, and I understand why it is one of my husband’s childhood favorites. Too bad about Ralph Macchio’s career, though.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

This is It: I didn’t expect to find rehearsal footage from a Michael Jackson concert to be all that interesting. I wouldn’t consider myself much of a MJ fan – I like his Big Hits like “Thriller” and “Beat It”, but I’ve never owned an album (until a recent acquisition of Thriller at my husband’s urging) and never even had a desire to attend a concert. I hadn’t realized what an amazing concert it would have been. The new video footage, the amazing dancers, the fact that every song was performed completely live – it was almost breathtaking. I loved seeing all the details that went into putting together such an elaborate show. And watching MJ himself was amazing, especially considering he could still move like that at 50 years old. Make no mistake: Michael Jackson was a weirdo. And because of this weirdness, it’s easy to forget that he was also extremely talented and a consummate performer. This movie is a solid reminder of that fact.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

Up: The adventures of a crotchety old widower, a fat Boy Scout and a talking dog in a flying house suspended by balloons. It’s clever and well-written, like most Pixar films, but I cried pretty much the entire way through it. See, the film begins with the widower meeting his wife as children and goes through a montage of their wonderful life together. He misses her, he talks to her, and every time she’s even mentioned I start bawling again. But don’t let that deter you: this is a gorgeous film, funny and wonderful and touching. Just not one I’d want to watch again.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

Crash: A complex story of strangers whose lives intersect in unexpected ways. I can’t really explain the plot very well (though the film starts with a car crash, that’s not really the central focus), but most of the story deals with race and racism. All the major “color” groups are covered: blacks, whites, Middle Easterners, Hispanics, and Asians. There’s a lot of anger and self-righteousness and paranoia and defensiveness, and no one is completely innocent (except maybe one guy). It’s a pretty hard movie to take at times, but I’m glad I watched it. It gave me a lot to think about, much of it pretty uncomfortable, and had I watched it with a group I’m sure the discussion afterward would have been lively. Definitely deserving of its Oscars.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant: I’d heard this movie was pretty bad, but when you’re on a fourteen-hour flight your movie-watching standards tend to go through the floor. But you know, it was actually a lot better than I’d feared. Two teenage best friends – one the perfect son and student, the other a trouble-making son of drunken and abusive parents – attend a freak show called Cirque du Freak. The perfect kid is obsessed with spiders; the troublemaker is obsessed with vampires. This isn’t brought up early enough in the film, and is in fact presented like an “oh by the way” to explain things that have already happened. Anyway, spiderboy steals freakshow spider, spider bites vampireboy, spiderboy has to make a deal with vampire to save vampireboy, serious rift forms between spiderboy and vampireboy. What saves this from sinking into cliche hell is that it is extremely self-aware. The teenagers and the freaks all know about horror movie stereotypes, and make some great comments that save the moment from turning to complete melodrama. The only unforgivably silly element is the vamp factions: the ones who drink blood without killing people are called vampires, and the ones who kill their victims are called vampaneze. Yes, it’s true to the book, but every time they said it I was all, “Really? I mean, really?” So while it was more than entertaining enough for a long flight, it’s not the sort of thing I would go out and rent. I am, however, interested in reading the books now.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

Avatar: A fun film, sort of Pocahontas meets Ferngully meets The Matrix, with a dash of BattleTech thrown in for spice. The story is simplistic and familiar: Jake Sully is a Marine who is paralyzed from the waist down who gets the opportunity to join the Avatar program when his identical twin brother is killed. This program allows a human to mentally occupy a genetically-matched alien body so they can mingle with the native race of the planet Pandora. Pandora contains large deposits of a valuable ore called unobtainium (a name so lame it distracted me), and getting to this means displacing a bunch of natives.  So you have the pacifist scientists and the trigger-happy military dudes and the cold-hearted bureaucrats and the innocent natives who have a special connection with all living things. Jake, in his avatar form, befriends the alien chief’s daughter and suddenly finds his loyalties torn.  I think you see where this is going.

But you know, it was kind of nice to have such a standard storyline in the face of such intricate special effects. As so many have said, the CG is phenomenal. The aliens move realistically and have stunningly convincing facial expressions. The Pandoran landscape is nearly seamless, and it’s very easy to forget you’re watching a cartoon. Maybe I’m weird, but the effect I noticed most was Jake’s legs when he’s human. Since he’s supposed to be paralyzed, the muscles are completely atrophied. I’m sure this was done in post-production (as opposed to the actor letting his legs whither away in real life), but it was so believable that I still had to wonder.

I saw this film in 3D. It was good 3D – that is, it actually looked 3D rather than like a bunch of 2D planes moving in front of each other – but I’m not sure I needed it. They didn’t pull any of your standard tricks that make the audience flinch like something’s going to hit them in the face, and I think the film would have been just as entertaining without the audience looking like a sea of Max Headrooms (though that was amusing in itself). So in short: fun to watch, not too intellectually taxing, worth seeing in the theaters. I doubt I’d watch it again but my husband looks forward to the behind-the-scenes content on the DVD. Something tells me it won’t be too interesting, considering most of it will involve people sitting at computers, but I could be wrong.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

In Her Shoes: I read the book some time ago and mostly enjoyed it, though I didn’t feel it was quite as tight as some of Weiner’s other novels. The movie removed the parts that bugged me about the book, such as the all-too-convenient flashbacks and the weird part about camping out at the Princeton library, while keeping most of the good stuff: the believable characters, the funny one-liners and exchanges, and the happy ending. Not a movie I’d necessarily want to watch again, but it was a nice way to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon: As much as I giggled through Twilight, I full-on laughed for the entirety of New Moon. There was clearly a great effort to be as true to the book as possible, down to silly details like Jacob and Bella’s banter about their relative ages. This devotion to the source material does not do the plot any favors, of course. Bella treats Jacob abominably, and being the lovestruck teenager that he is, he just rolls over and takes it. Bella and Edward’s relationship has become more ardent but not any more believable. The audience is continually bashed over the head with Romeo & Juliet references. I suppose if I took the film at face value, with all its earnestly melodramatic angst, I would have thrown up my arms in disgust. However, I came in expecting an awesomely bad movie, and that’s exactly what I got.

Technically speaking, it’s a much better film than its predecessor. The CG wolves were both better and worse than I’d expected, occasionally impressing me with their convincing facial expressions but most of the time obviously not really there. The vampire sparkle effect was vastly improved over Twilight’s CG glitter lotion, which sadly only emphasized the silliness of the whole idea of sparkly vampires. The vampire make-up was better as well (though admittedly that’s not saying much): they appear to have learned a bit about blending at the jawline, but Edward really needs to ease up on the lipstick. The only truly terrible effect was the Edward hallucination, which came across alternately as creepy (full-body apparition Edward) and hilarious (floating head Edward) – but never convincing.

The acting skills of the principals haven’t improved much since Twilight. Kristen Stewart (Bella) continues to be twitchy and stuttery (though from watching interviews it seems this isn’t acting); Robert Pattinson (Edward) totally Shatnerizes most of his lines, most notably the very last one of the movie. Taylor Lautner is charming as Jacob and delivers his lines well, though he could use a couple more facial expressions to add to his repertoire. Luckily, the supporting cast is excellent almost without exception, and though they only have a couple of lines each, they really brighten the relatively few scenes that involve more people than the three main characters. The Volturi – the “vampire royalty” – were especially fun, if underused in favor of a prolonged fight scene in which Edward gets the crap kicked out of him. Aro in particular was awesome; I hope they film Breaking Dawn just so I can see him again. The Wolf Pack, on the other hand, were great fun as individuals, but whenever they appeared as a group I started having West Side Story flashbacks and expected them to start snapping their fingers menacingly.

In short: it’s awful and I love it and I have to see it again. I’m also looking forward to Eclipse next summer, for that’s when the Twilight Weirdness really kicks in, what with the imprinting and the newborn vampires and the disturbing back-stories and all. Should be good times.

©2010 utter randomonium. All Rights Reserved.