i was born in a small farming community about a mile from tokyo. i was educated by a yak in siberia. i think tonsils are beautiful. i once went on a cruise on the exxon valdez. one of my favorite pastimes is lung hockey. i once had an affair with a rutabaga. i invented the slinky. i have a PhD in custodial engineering. i’ve been canonized. i own a housebroken giraffe. i speak 138 languages fluently while drunk. i lie awake at night pondering when the world is going to be overrun by giant purple oranges. i am richer than bill gates could ever hope to be. i think chairs are for the weak-minded. i can levitate small buildings with the power of my mind. i absolutely adore it when people stand and stare over my shoulder when i’m writing or reading personal email. i look like gandhi. i made my fortune through beachcombing. i love that need-to-sneeze-but-can’t feeling. my homepage is pure unadulterated genius.