Hackers: It’s like 1995 sneezed and they made a movie out of it. The plot, such as it is, is about a band of teenage computer hackers who trip over catchy buzzwords and outdated (or neverdated) slang while fighting the big evil hacker as the fates of millions hang in the balance. Or something. It doesn’t really matter. There’s plenty wrong with this movie, not least of which being the bizarre graphical representation of hacking that comes closer to a rave party screensaver than anything remotely resembling an actual operating system, but there’s also so much right. Angelina Jolie as the butch-sexy chick hacker. Matthew Lillard as the hippy weirdo hacker. Penn Jillette as the geeky computer security officer. Marc Anthony as the wannabe hipster cop. Rollerblades and swap meets and 28.8 modems and grunge. It’s silly and often unintentionally humorous, but if you want the mid-90s to the nth degree, this is the movie for you.
Category Archives: movie reviews
Freaks
Freaks: This brief 1932 film is about the backstage lives of a group of sideshow performers. The story mostly revolves around the romance between the “normal” Cleopatra and Hans the little person, which reveals the somewhat scary prejudices and alliances among the various performers. It’s definitely a film you won’t soon forget. The acting, however, isn’t all that great and the dialogue is often downright horrible. I think what makes this movie so memorable (and so controversial) is that all the “freaks” are 100% bonafide sideshow performers. There are pinheads and human worms and bird girls and lots more besides. No make-up or special effects here. Perhaps more telling than the movie itself is the hour-long documentary included on the DVD, which talks about the performers’ real lives and careers both before and after this movie was made. Most of all, this DVD raises an uncomfortable question: how exploitative is it really when these people have consciously made the choice to make money by being stared at?
Grave of the Fireflies
Grave of the Fireflies: Most depressing movie ever. End of review.
White Oleander
White Oleander: I read the book and loved it. That was my first warning sign. The whole tone of the movie was different from the book, especially the end. Most of the people were miscast or had their personalities left on the cutting room floor. They tried to cram too much of the book into less than two hours and ended up just glossing over everything, including the most important part: the relationship between Astrid and her mother. I am not the slightest bit surprised that this film got such mediocre reviews. However, I do have one piece of high praise for this film: they got Paul exactly right.
Assorted Movie Reviews
I know I’ve been really slacking on my movie reviews lately. Here’s a bunch to make up for it.
Trekkies: This is a documentary about Star Trek fanatics, interspersed with commentary from several cast members. It’s very funny and occasionally disturbing without ever blatantly making fun of anybody. The interesting part is how many people I know who are just like these people – not Star Trek, but another television show, series of books, sports team, historical reenactment…there are fanatics everywhere. And while I would consider myself a fan of Star Trek, I realized that what most separates me from the Trekkies shown here is merchandise. I don’t have any desire for memorabilia or replicas or costumes or models. It’s the financial commitment that, to me, sets them apart more than anything else. And maybe the wearing of uniforms outside conventions. That’s a pretty big difference too.
Mission: Impossible III: There is a fine line between suspense and get-on-with-it, and there was nothing suspenseful about this movie. In between explosions and chase scenes, there are some kinda-terrorists and some kinda-righteous rogue government agents and a lot of random twists that never get resolved. Lame.
Poltergeist: I’m glad I didn’t see this as a kid, but it’s certainly not scary to an adult. I am afraid of what I can’t see; I am on the edge of my seat when I’m not sure when, how, or even if a character is going to die. Spielberg does not kill children in his movies, and the threat in Poltergeist is shown early on, almost humorously. Without suspense, there isn’t a whole lot to this movie. I’m glad I saw it and finally experienced this piece of pop culture, but I probably wouldn’t bother had it been made today.
Citizen Kane: “Classics are classics for a reason.” This is what I tend to believe about old movies, that if they weren’t any good they would have been forgotten by now. This is of course not true, especially with today’s rampant DVDing of every scrap of film that ever went to print, but I like to think the more famous movies still follow the rule. I say all this to explain my disappointment in Citizen Kane. It starts with a newsreel documentary of newspaper tycoon Kane’s life and death, then spends the rest of the movie rehashing it all in only slightly more detail. The whole Rosebud thing was kind of telling, but by the time it was revealed I was so tired of seeing everything twice that I didn’t care anymore. One thing I will say for this movie, though – it’s crossed my mind several times since I saw it. Kane was a man who wanted nothing more than for people to love him, and would pay any price for it – save giving his love to anyone else. It’s a subtle yet powerful character flaw, and Wells played it masterfully. Too bad the rest of the movie didn’t live up to its lead actor.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: I loved this film. It is probably the least true to the book of all the Harry Potter films to date, but I felt very little was tossed that really needed to be in there. I really didn’t miss the Dursleys or the house elves, and the way this movie was structured the bad guy doesn’t seem to come out of left field quite as much as he does in the book. And I liked the changes: I like Neville’s dancing and the study hall scene with Snape and the flashy entrances from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. My main complaint is that because they had to squeeze so much story into 150 minutes, many of the scenes, particularly in the beginning, are kind of choppy and feel very rushed. Many of the characters don’t get the screen time they deserve. However, the overall feel of the movie is excellent. There is quite a bit of silliness, which some have said is almost “too funny,” but I felt the humor provided a good balance with the much darker parts of the film, thus avoiding depressing the audience too much. I’m glad they kept the same set from Prisoner of Azkaban; the Hogwarts of the first two films always felt more like a Disney park than a real place. I’m also glad they finally made good use of the Weasley twins, who really are quite funny in the books but had been largely ignored in the films until now. Again, I loved this film. However, I would only recommend it to people who already like Harry Potter, as this is not a standalone movie at all. You really need the backstory of the prior three films to appreciate it.
Zathura
Zathura: I was one of the eight or so adults who actually liked Jumanji, so of course Zathura interested me. And it did indeed share a lot of the same qualities: children stumble upon old board game, start playing, and everything comes to life with lots of pleasantly predictable action. There were also parts that were a bit too much like Jumanji, including some notable “surprises.” Near the end was a nonsensical plot twist involving the astronaut. We were so baffled we went to the local Barne to look up the book it was based on, which turned out to be a picture book that had no astronaut in it at all. Now, I’m all for altering the book’s storyline – even drastically – to make a better movie, but if you’re going to introduce a whole new character they should at least fit in there logically. That was my only complaint, which is admittedly a rather major one; otherwise it was a perfectly enjoyable children’s adventure movie. There’s a shortage of these. Too many children’s movies trip over themselves with sly winks or sappy memorabilia for the adults watching. Believe it or not, it is possible to make a good movie without any parts that children won’t understand. Zathura, despite its logical flaws, shows this. Here’s hoping Hollywood keeps trying.
Dead Poets Society
I watched Dead Poets Society the other night for the first time. I know – I’m a little behind the times. And surprisingly I have very little to say about it except that if you haven’t seen it, do. It’s a powerful and uplifting film, and for once I’m not using those terms ironically. It really is worth watching.
I close my eyes
His image floats beside me
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain
His hands reach out and choke me
Truth is like a blanket
That always leaves your feet cold
Stretch it
Pull it
It will never cover any of us
Kick at it
Beat at it
It will never be enough
From the moment we enter crying
To the moment we leave dying
It will cover just your head
As you wail
And cry
And scream
Doom
Doom: Light on plot but heavy on zombies leaping out from behind corners. In other words, pretty much what you’d expect. For those of you unfamiliar with the video game, a bunch of Marines get sent to Mars where genetic experiments have gone horribly wrong (shocking, I know – that never happens in movies). Much shooting ensues. Honestly, I was a little bored. There wasn’t quite enough suspense to be scary, and not nearly enough action to be exciting. On the bright side, there was a brief segment filmed in the first-person shooter style of the game that made me laugh pretty hard, so it wasn’t a complete wash. I didn’t really need to see this one in the theater, but it’s a worthy flick to watch in your livingroom over beer and pizza.
A History of Violence
A History of Violence: Viggo Mortensen (of Lord of the Rings fame) plays Tom Stall, a family man and owner of a small diner in rural Indiana. He is visited by mobsters from Philidelphia who claim he is actually Joey Cusack, a powerful and ruthless killer with whom they have a beef. The story itself is a fascinating study of identity and instinct, trust and truth. Viggo does a fantastic job with only the most subtle of voice inflections and facial expressions. It’s all very real. However, I think I might have preferred this story in novel form. The violence was extremely gory and the sex extremely graphic. I can appreciate the horror of a murder without a close-up shot of a man whose face just got blown off. Likewise, I can understand that Viggo has a happy marriage without watching him and his wife do a 69. I’m not usually that much of a prude; my main complaint is that they didn’t seem to do anything for the story. Anyway, overall I liked it – the acting and story were very good. There were a lot of uncomfortable silences, but that was quite appropriate, given the subject matter. If explicit sex and violence don’t bug you, go see it.
Note to anyone who’s seen the movie: when the first two dudes show up at the diner at the beginning, I swear they call Viggo “Billy.” This is not addressed anywhere else in the film. Did I mishear them?