Dungeons & Dragons: Wow, this is one seriously terrible movie. A couple of Rogues team up with a Mage and a Warrior in pursuit of a Magic Rod, which is also desired by, well, pretty much everybody else. Pick a fantasy stereotype, and it’s here. My husband explained this movie as, “The problems start with the script and go from there.” Not exactly a glowing recommendation. In fact, the only reason he bought the DVD was for the director’s commentary, “to find out what the hell went wrong.”
The real problem with this film was that it was totally cobbled together. None of the characters had any kind of motivation for any of their actions. The dwarf tags along, claiming to have no other choice, though it’s not clear where he gets this idea. The Most Dangerous Weapon Evar is “hidden” in a cave, completely without guards or traps – you just walk in and take it. My favorite example of this randomness was when the heroes are getting their asses kicked while the dwarf and elf are outside. The dwarf says they should go help, but the elf says that no, this is something they need to do alone. The dwarf nods solemnly and stays put. Wait, what? And don’t even get me started on the completely random ending.
In hindsight, I probably should have taken it as a sign when I realized the hero was Jimmy Olsen, but despite my husband’s assurances of just how awesomely awful this movie is, I held out a tiny bit of hope. And you know, it was pretty (unintentionally) hilarious. Jeremy Irons, for example, was clearly having the time of his life as the Evil Dude. “Ooh, another scene where I get to laugh maniacally! Sweet!” Actually, this was evidence of just how good an actor he really is, as I had trouble accepting that this character and the stoic Aramis are the same actor. I actually enjoyed watching this film just for how ridiculously bad it is.
But you know, as cheesy and silly and maddening as this movie is, it’s still better than Eragon.
by Neil Gaiman (unabridged audiobook read by the author; 7.75 hours on 7 discs): Bod (short for Nobody) Owens lives in a graveyard, raised by the ghosts and otherworldly beings who live there. This tale chronicles his entire childhood including his adventures with ghoul gates, Hounds of God, the Sleer, and fellow living children. The narration borders on the lyrical, with ghostly voices like rustling leaves and Bod’s guardian Silas the most mysterious of them all (though I have my suspicions). This is one of those rare books that I enjoyed so thoroughly that I can’t think of anything to say about it in my review. It’s weird and funny and bittersweet and very memorable. I will definitely be reading it again one day.
by Stephenie Meyer and Young Kim: I am curious if the Twilight frenzy will continue long enough for there to be a volume 2. But that’s neither here nor there. This is 
by David Anthony and Charles David: Josh and Jozlyn live in your typical Medieval-ish fantasy village, with fairy armies and witches’ holidays. Our story begins on Cauldron Cooker’s Night, a celebration for witches that leaves regular folk cowering under their beds. When the whole town is turned to frogs by a vengeful witch, it is up to Josh and Jozlyn to save them. Along the way they encounter ogres and wizards, magic mushrooms and bog beasts. Master Gramble, the turtle with the brain of a stone, was probably my favorite character, and I hope he shows up in future volumes of the series. The illustrations were fine and detailed. This was more or less a standard sword’n’sorcery tale but I happen to like me some good old fashioned S&S so I’m not complaining. That said, it is undeniably written for children, complete with cautionary asides about not eating wild mushrooms without a parent around and other such things that took me out of the story. Which isn’t a bad thing, of course – it just means that I, as an adult, did not get as much enjoyment out of the story as I probably would have a couple decades ago. However, this would be a fun one to read aloud to your kids, if only to say “griznt” over and over again.
by David Anthony and Charles David: Three superhero siblings save a small Michigan town from certain peril, this time in the form of aliens peddling hypnosis-inducing ice cream. Their powers are silly (speed and sports; the ability to drive anything with wheels, including airplanes; and anything Superman can do, respectively) but fun. Most memorable for me was the youngest, Zoe, who is still in diapers. I was a little concerned by the idea of a superhero lacking bladder control, but all the same, it was quite clear the authors wrote with their audience firmly in mind. For example, Zoe speaks only one word at a time, all potential vocabulary words; in this book they all started with the letter A but I assume future books in the series go through the alphabet. Adorable illustrations adorn every page. I was amused by the strange little asides and the commentary on sibling rivalry. In short, this is the sort of thing I would probably have enjoyed as a child. I also probably would have colored the illustrations.
by Tove Jansson: I admit to being a little disappointed when I discovered that this was not the story of Moominpappa’s adventures following the Hattifatteners, but I soon came round to embrace this strange tale of fathers: Moomintroll’s, Sniff’s, and Snufkin’s, respectively. I was a little concerned that Sniff and Snufkin appeared to have never even met their parents, but I guess in Moominland that’s not such a crazy notion. Anyway, this is Moominpappa’s somewhat embellished account of his early years, from his abandonment at a Hemulen-run orphanage to the day he met Moominmamma. I was truly entertained by the Autocrat’s speeches, and the art was wonderful as always, but this was not my favorite Moomin book. Moominpappa’s inflated sense of self-importance was amusing at first, but became tiresome by the end. Luckily, it’s a very short book, and does not overstay its welcome.
by Gail Carson Levine: Aza is not a pretty girl. She is tall and stout with a chalky complexion and black hair. However, in a kingdom where people sing as often as speak, her voice is the loveliest in the land. When a duchess stays at her parents’ inn and invites her to accompany her to the king’s wedding, Aza’s life is turned upside down. Before she knows it, the new queen has asked her to be her lady-in-waiting, and a budding friendship begins with the king’s nephew, Prince Ijori. This take on the classic tale of Snow White is charming and engrossing; I couldn’t wait to see what happens next. Aza is introspective and clever, always at odds with her appearance. I laughed in several places, and the ending found me with a big silly grin on my face. Definitely recommended to lovers of fairy tales.
: I read Beowulf, or at least part of it, during school at some point, though my memory of it is pretty vague. Basically I remember that there’s this badass dude named Beowulf, he fights a troll named Grendel, kills him, and later on has to face Grendel’s mom too. There’s a bunch of talk about gods and monsters and OMG-Beowulf-is-so-awesome, and that’s about all I can recall. I have not seen the 
by Gail Carson Levine: A charming twist on the familiar tale of Cinderella. Ella is cursed from birth to obey any command anyone gives her. Using her own ingenuity, she overcomes hungry ogres, careless fairies, and wicked stepsisters in her journey to break the spell and find true love. All the standard components are here – a fairy godmother, glass slippers, a pumpkin turned into a carriage – but reimagined in a clever way. Rather than sitting around waiting to be saved from her life of servitude like the classic Cinderella, this Ella is her own savior, and an excellent role-model to boot. I wish this book could have been part of my own childhood. It’s marvelous.