Dungeons & Dragons: Wow, this is one seriously terrible movie. A couple of Rogues team up with a Mage and a Warrior in pursuit of a Magic Rod, which is also desired by, well, pretty much everybody else. Pick a fantasy stereotype, and it’s here. My husband explained this movie as, “The problems start with the script and go from there.” Not exactly a glowing recommendation. In fact, the only reason he bought the DVD was for the director’s commentary, “to find out what the hell went wrong.”
The real problem with this film was that it was totally cobbled together. None of the characters had any kind of motivation for any of their actions. The dwarf tags along, claiming to have no other choice, though it’s not clear where he gets this idea. The Most Dangerous Weapon Evar is “hidden” in a cave, completely without guards or traps – you just walk in and take it. My favorite example of this randomness was when the heroes are getting their asses kicked while the dwarf and elf are outside. The dwarf says they should go help, but the elf says that no, this is something they need to do alone. The dwarf nods solemnly and stays put. Wait, what? And don’t even get me started on the completely random ending.
In hindsight, I probably should have taken it as a sign when I realized the hero was Jimmy Olsen, but despite my husband’s assurances of just how awesomely awful this movie is, I held out a tiny bit of hope. And you know, it was pretty (unintentionally) hilarious. Jeremy Irons, for example, was clearly having the time of his life as the Evil Dude. “Ooh, another scene where I get to laugh maniacally! Sweet!” Actually, this was evidence of just how good an actor he really is, as I had trouble accepting that this character and the stoic Aramis are the same actor. I actually enjoyed watching this film just for how ridiculously bad it is.
But you know, as cheesy and silly and maddening as this movie is, it’s still better than Eragon.